Tuesday, September 04, 2012

Building Walls

To protect yourself when you are worried that you might get hurt, you build walls and keep people at a distance. Does that sound like you or someone you know? You might think it works for you because you don't get hurt but you are getting in the way of some great relationships by building these walls. What you need to do is build boundaries instead and go through with the consequences when people break those boundaries.

"Boundaries are permeable, they let the right people in while walls keep out everybody"

Boundaries are important because they are part of having real communication. Let's face it, people can't read your mind, which is good but they do need to have cues from you about what you like and don't like. You shouldn't be letting them "figure it out" because most people won't. It's amazing how much more positive your life becomes when you've established boundaries.
Anyways, I've been reading about boundaries lately and I've come to the conclusion that although I have boundaries, I seldom let people know they violate them unless they are big offenders. I naturally don't like to confront people about stuff. So my exercise this week has been to write down some boundaries and establish them. Talane Miedaner author of Coach Yourself to Success has a 4 step process that you could use

Example: People can't give me unsolicited criticism.
If they do then I need to calmly tell that I didn't ask them for their feedback
If they continue then I need to calmly tell them that I only want positive feedback
If they still continue then I need to insist about what I want and let them know what i will do if they don't stop
Which in most cases will be to leave their presence.

Another one you could use is Robert Burney's formula
When you . . . . .
I feel . . . . .
I want . . . .
Since I am powerless over you, I will take this action to protect myself if you behave in this way.

You can read more about his take on
boundaries here. It's very long and you might not agree or even need to read a lot of it so just go down to the formula lol.
I hope you think about your boundaries and try to establish some good ones :)

Good Happens

Dress-Asos. Shoes- MIA. Cardigan- thrifted. Purse- Candies. Accessories- Random

P.S thanks to my photog du jour


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